I know that I am not the only senior of our 550 student class that is in this particular situation... but wow. This has been the hardest year of my life so far. I don't know what it is. I mean, I have family, work, school, and, for now, tennis on my plate. It's nothing new. I've been balancing sports and school since freshmen year. I've been employed since sophomore year. Lol, and I've always had a family... what changed?
Something in me is just exhausted. I feel as if I've lost all motivation to be who I used to be. I used to be happy and on top of things, but now I'm always feeling bad for myself. I've missed multiple deadlines, lost a couple tennis matches over stupid mistakes, and even accepted a 43% on an econ quiz because I didn't want to read for freaking 30 minutes one night. That doesn't mean that I've given up on school. I would never do that. I still do all of my homework, but some days I just would rather catch up on sleep. Another thing that sucks is that I never have time to spend time with friends. I'm starting to think they don't even like me anymore.
I need help. I only have myself to blame for this. I should be mature, and I should definitely not feel bad for myself. There are so many students that are employed that still keep their prorities in mind. I know I'm just going through a begining-senior-year-crisis. Now that I got the SAT over with this Saturday, I think I'll be a little less stressed. I'll just hope I did better than last time. UGH... stress.
I couldn't relate more!
ReplyDeleteI too took the SAT this past Saturday, and although I've already taken it, I feel scared and stressed and just...emotionally wrecked again.
Although last year was tough as far as my schedule and family and everything, I ALSO feel like this year is the hardest. There are good weeks and there are bad weeks. Sometimes, it feels as though the whole month is just plain bad, but honestly, Jasmine, I think you and I and anyone else who is experiencing this right now (Senioritus? Ha!), I think we will get through it. It is and will continue to be very tough. We just have to keep on trying.
It's like running a marathon. It really is. College apps, AP tests, long papers, assigned reading, a pile of homework, family stuff, friend stuff, and not to mention INTERNAL STUFF! It's just SO much. It's a marathon because it ties us all mentally, emotionally, and physically. The first few miles are great. Our leg muscles are warm and tense and they burn a good burn. Our lungs take in air with ease, as though pollution were negligible. Our heads are clear, and we focus on the pattern of our sounds: our inhales and exhales, our feet hitting grass and concrete, our arms and legs moving beautifully "left, right, left, right". It's like that until we hit the middle. Halfway there, everything starts to break down. Our legs feel like lead stumps. Our lungs feel like they're filled with liquid. We've lost our focus and our breathing and stride patterns are irregular now due to anxiety and shock of the body. This is what it is, Jasmine.
We could stop and rest and let everybody pass us. We could walk a bit and start running again, but it's hard to start running again once you've stopped. So... that leaves one thing to do: We just keep going at the same pace, fighting the pain in our abdomens from the cramping and the lack of oxygen to our beating heart and mind. We clench our teeth and push through. We keep telling ourselves "one more mile, one more mile" even if we know there are still 12 to go. By the time we pass the finish line, we're beat read and everything is spinning. We feel sick and everything hurts. After a while of stretching and relaxing and drinking plenty of fluids, guess what? We feel brand new again and hella glad we didn't stop.
Darn typos ): *tries us all mentally...*
DeleteYou're an amazing person whether you think so or not. I hope you know that. You DO so much, ARE so much, and CARE so much. Even if at times it feels as though nothing you do is important or worth it or anything of that sort, please tell yourself that you're lovely and that although you're tired and you feel drained in every way from all these formidable pressures of life, you can keep on keeping on (: <3
ReplyDeleteJasmine I can so relate to how you are feeling right now I totally understand it, for example I accepted a 50% on that econ test to, life just seems really difficult right now and well it's because of everything finally catching up to us I believe. All this school things, us having to fill out our college applications, sports, work, friends and family after four years it has in a way finally just all come down on us and causing us to stress out. The thing we have to know is to just be able to deal with this stress, to not let it take the best of us to calm down look at the problem at hand and slowly at our own pace try to fix it or be able to deal with it. I know it may all seem like to much but we have to be able to get through it we have been doing it for almost four years now we can't just let this stress take us now when we're almost. I promise you once this college applications, SAT's, ACT's or whatever end and we get accustomed to the rhythm of our classes we will be at the peak of our happiness again without this "Senior Stress" .
ReplyDelete